DEVIANCE, THE NEW BDSM MATCHING APP
Worldwide, the Germans have an image of being very sexually experimental.
This is why the latest innovation in SexTech comes from Bavaria.
Deviance is a new app to connect lovers of BDSM in all their extraordinary colors.
Deviance: In 2018, foundress Marina was faced with the problem that it was hard for her to meet someone with whom she could experience her BDSM kink.
Instead, she met a business partner.
Together with Tolga, she started Deviance, the first BDSM tinder, developed with the community.
“We want people to come together, who unconsciously hide from each other.” This is from your homepage.
What is Deviance about?
Marina: Deviance is about everyone who is interested in BDSM and fetish.
Everyone who is open and wants to exchange with other like-minded people.
No matter if you are looking for the love of your life, a play partner (exclusive or polyamorous) or just friendship.
That’s why, we also call ourselves a „get-to-know-you“ app and not a dating app.
From my experience as a publisher, Germany is the mecca of BDSM.
Is that true and where does that come from?
M: It may well be.
Unfortunately, there are few if any reliable, up-to-date, and truly accurate statistics. But the topic definitely has big visibility in Germany.
Worldwide, the Germans have an image of being very sexually experimental anyway.
Not the only factor, but certainly one of many, is the tolerant legal situation in Germany.
Apart from a few very extreme exceptions, almost everything is allowed in Germany, as long as it is consensual.
This certainly promotes the culture of pursuing one’s own fantasies.
But also the acceptance of such practices on the other side.
This explains why Deviance was born in Munich — a rather conservative city, as we think in Berlin.
But apparently avant-garde when it comes to BDSM.
If you build an app like this, you probably know a bit about the community. Is it true that women always take the submissive role and men the dominant?
M: The fact that society still has this idea is probably due to cultural and social ideas of femininity.
As mentioned above, however, the data on BDSM tendencies is very thin.
Figures from Canada in 2015 suggest that the desire to be dominated and to dominate oneself is almost equally distributed among men and women.
And that these genders are both fundamentally more prone to submissive fantasies.
Other surveys conducted from 2013 to 2017 found that up to three-quarters of women consider themselves submissive.
But since BDSM is not a sharply defined term, the results always turn out very differently and are therefore difficult to compare.
What is fantasy?
What is self-image?
And what is reality?
In our perception, even a large part is switchers.
Is BDSM simply strong sensual gratification — a way to escape from everyday life?
M: As it is often the case in BDSM, there is no clear-cut answer because people are so incredibly multi-faceted.
Some enjoy spicing up their sex life with a dash of BDSM.
For others it is an integral part of their sexuality and identity, yet separate from everyday life.
A side of their personality that they only live out in private.
For still others, the need to lead or be led goes beyond the sexual, so that they integrate a permanent power exchange into their everyday life or relationship.
How would you like society to react to BDSM in general?
M: First, we wish that the sexually active society recognizes that it is kinkier than it believes itself to be.
It already starts with the famous role-playing games that are recommended to long-term couples when they need new impetus. Or with little bondage games with blindfolds and plush handcuffs.
Most sexually active people have done something that falls into the BDSM realm without realizing it.
Then, we wish that people who openly practice BDSM no longer have to fear exclusion.
You shouldn’t fear for possible negative consequences at work or in your private life.
Therefore we wish that society would deal with the subject openly and with an open mind.
Instead of putting it in the same old pigeonholes of Fifty Shades of Grey, Dominas and perversion.
According to figures from 2005, five percent of society explicitly admits to BDSM. That is not so little, should be recognized and made visible.
With our content and our work on social media, we try to contribute as much as possible to all of this.
Well, you´re fighting the same fight as the LGBTQ community. Are these separate scenes? Is BDSM a pure cis and hetero thingy?
M: Absolutely not! BDSM occurs in every sexual orientation in all binary and non-binary gender identities in various forms and intensities.
We ourselves know many queer, non-binary and trans people who practice BDSM. And then think of the gay leather scene. Or that according to some statistics BDSM is even most common among lesbian women.
So basically, BDSM is not a pure cis and straight thing.
But there seem to be subcultures within the subculture when it comes to how it is lived: The queer and homosexual community, as well as the heterosexual scene.
Interestingly, the latter also sees itself as anything but heteronormative.
For many, romantic, physical and sexual attraction are not necessarily the same, if a kink plays into it.
Pansexual is then for example a gladly chosen self designation. At least in virtual space, however, the scene seems to be growing closer together.
How did you and Tolga come up with the idea of developing Deviance, a BDSM app?
M: In 2018, I was faced with the problem that it wasn’t that easy to meet someone with whom I could actually experience this kind of sexuality.
I networked with some people in the community.
And I realized in conversations that it’s not just me having a hard time to meet a play partner.
While many use the various platforms, from Tinder to sex-positive to BDSM, very few are really satisfying for them.
So I once said for fun at a BDSM munch, that one day I would develop a “Tinder for BDSM”.
Eight months later this joke became serious, because the idea just wouldn’t let me go.
After I had talked to people more specifically and drafted the first concept, Tolga came on board one day and was on fire from the start.
Why did you develop Deviance as an app and not just as another website?
Phew, that was indeed not an easy decision, but we wanted to set an example.
It was always clear to us: If we not only want to bring people together, but also really want to get the topic of BDSM out of the shadow, then it has to be a proper app.
It simply feels different when a platform can be found on an equal footing with other apps in the stores instead of in the dark corners of the Internet, and when the access hurdles, for example when registering, are kept to a minimum.
An app also remains permanently installed on the smartphone.
You don’t have to fear a secret access at night via private mode.
That simply makes it more normal.
But sure, with a website, you are not only more free in terms of content, but also from a technological side.
It would have been a lot easier to develop a website with matching, chat and the necessary youth protection mechanisms.
As an app, the latter is particular more difficult to implement.
Additionally we are also subject to the restrictive store policies of Google and Apple.
True, the decision comes at the expense of a lot of content that we actually wanted to put in the app.
But the app approach of Deviance signals that BDSM and fetish belong to society.
Right now, Deviance is a beta version — will the app be available in English in the future? Are you going international?
That is conceivable, for the beginning, however, we concentrate on the German-speaking countries.
For people who do not know much about BDSM, it is a binary thing. Is BDSM only about devotion and dominance?
No. Dominance and submission are only one part of BDSM.
They are hidden among other terms behind the D and the S.
Dominance and Submission are mainly mental attitudes, but the transitions to Bondage, Discipline, Sadism and Masochism are fluid.
We therefore like to speak of a power exchange or of „top“ and “bottom“.
Even in very physical areas like SM or Shibari without sexual components there is always at least one person who takes responsibility and control and at least one who gives it away.
The situation is different in the fetish area.
Here materials, objects and sometimes practices are more in the foreground and less a power exchange.
It is often said, for example, that it is someone’s fetish to submit to another person.
So etymologically that’s not quite right.
This is because not only are the transitions within BDSM fluid, but also from fetish to BDSM and vice versa.
Since many people live out so many facets and we are addressing both fetish and BDSM the generic term “kink” is actually quite appropriate.
And „kink“ is anything but binary.
What do you recommend to someone who is curious and wants to get into the community?
Network with others.
Get informed.
But Most importantly: do not rush the technical part, but approach it slowly.
Why are more and more people looking for love online these days?
Right now, it is the Corona situation that is driving people increasingly to dating and get-to-know-you portals.
After all, many feel lonely.
They are longing for exchange.
For social contacts and the opportunity to get to know people they might otherwise meet offline.
But the trend was already emerging in the period before contact restrictions.
Just look at the success of Tinder and the like.
We now live in the age of digitalization, and that includes love.
Many don’t have the time and energy to go out often to meet people.
Many are simply too shy to approach someone in the bar or supermarket.
You know, fear of rejection.
On the one hand, dating and get-to-know-you platforms are a convenient alternative. They minimize the effort.
You can comfortably start a conversation with someone in your sweatpants on your couch.
They reduce the fear of rejection.
An unanswered message or an unreturned match just doesn’t feel as much like rejection as a “No, thanks. I’m not interested.”
Especially not when there are many more potential proposals waiting.
A third point is that on a dating platform, you can be sure that the people there really are potential partners.
Otherwise they wouldn’t be registered.
Offline, however, you can’t necessarily tell whether people are monogamous taken and therefore interested in contacts or not.
Is it an advantage or a disadvantage for people that technology gets involved in private things like love and sex — and why?
We are convinced that today’s technology offers great opportunities for all areas of life, if used sensibly and reflectively.
High-tech toys, virtual relationship coaches or virtual reality can provide exciting impulses and add-ons.
All without replacing or changing love or sex.
In the case of get-to-know-you platforms, these only facilitate people’s access to each other.
That is definitely an advantage in today’s world.
You know many people’s everyday lives are becoming increasingly stressful.
Even more so in times of Corona.
We and other platforms don’t interfere with the rest, like what people text with each other, what happens when they meet and more.
Last but not least, we must not forget that these technologies would not exist without the people and their ideas behind them.
So in the end, they are only human.
MEET YOUR MASTERS: Tolga and Marina
FINDING DEVIANCE
www.deviance.app
IG: @deviance_app
TW: @devianceapp
LINKED IN: @deviance.app
Originally published on BERLINABLE
